Do we actually have a choice? Yes and no! Well, it depends on our status and situation in life – young, middle age, seniors, single, married, have children, type or kind of work, activities, etc…
Goals, responsibilities and commitment are reasons for shifting our pace to a high gear, thus, taking the fast lane. Later in life when things are accomplished already and activities become less crowded, the panic modes disappear. It is time to move to the slow lane.
Many
years back, there was no option for me, but to take the fast lane,
still young, competitive at place of work and with a growing family.
My working hours were long - a full time office work and a part time
teaching job. I was then at the height of my career, thus,
competitive. There were also meetings, workshops and conferences to
attend, local and national. That was also the time when I was trying
to finish with my Master’s degree. On weekends, a full time mother
and wife, cooking and attending to the personal needs of my four
children like trimming the hair, cutting the finger nails and
cleaning the ears. On weeknights, I was the designated parent to
teach and supervise the children to do their homework, also attended
PTA meetings at their schools in Makati. My husband had his share of
household and parental chores, too. Our social life, then, was
limited to the minimum. This was in Manila. Clearly it was an
overcrowded life.
Migrating
to the U.S., I was still driving on the fast lane, perhaps a bit
faster, revolving in a new environment and dealing with new
challenges – guiding grown up children, new office scenario, new
activities and without household help (I found the latter a welcome
change).
Time
came when a few years back, I decided to move to the slow lane. In
fact, some of my friends did it first, especially those working at
the World Bank. Most of them were only in their fifties, when they
took advantage of the bank’s attractive retirement offer. The
retirement bug got into me, too. Waking up early in the morning to go
to work became so tiring - I decided to have an early retirement.
Looking
back, I joined the work force barely two weeks after my BS
graduation. It’s been a long time now. Like other women, I passed
through life’s challenges, but also received rewards. In my young
adult life, I did not fully understand why two of our neighbors
retired at an early age of fifty. I said then, “tinamad na
silang magtrabaho”. I did not pay attention to
their medical condition - one had a stroke and the other one, a heart
condition.
Now
that all my four children are doing great with their chosen careers,
I did not feel guilty of retiring early. Like my husband, they
supported me with my decision. I am so fortunate to have accomplished
my goals in life - my studies, getting married, having children, my
professional work and of course, making my parents happy by being an
obedient daughter. There were lessons learned - life is not a bed of
roses, it is full of challenges. What is important is having the
strength and wisdom to deal with them, changing the negatives to
positives. I have so much blessings to thank for - mostly intangible
ones.
Now
I find the slow lane a beautiful lane, doing mostly the “I want to”
activities. I am done with the
“I
have to” stuff. I don’t have to wake up early in the morning and
could choose my activities. Now I do volunteer work in the community,
give dance lessons and do choreography work and also help a friend
with her campaign to win in the local elections. A year ago, I
decided to work part-time in the afternoon as an assistant to a dean
of graduate studies at a local university. This kind of work helps me
keep my mental faculty alive and kicking.
Actually, the schedule in my calendar shows numerous entries including
weekends. These activities keep me “busy” and are all rewarding
and satisfying to me – my choice! They are not stressful
activities.
So,
where are you now, fast lane or slow lane, or ….… middle lane?
------------------------------------------------------------
Bar
or Bat Mitzvah
Joshua
and Hannah Pagsibigan Perlman celebrated their 13th
birthday on September 9 with a Bar Mitzvah for Joshua and Bat Mitzvah
for Hannah. The Jewish ceremony was held at Temple Rodef Shalom in
Falls Church attended by the families and friends of both parents of
the children. The guests were invited to a seated lunch at Clyde’s
of Tyson’s Corner after the service.
We
learned that Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a life cycle celebration observed
at the age of thirteen, an event that indicates to the child and the
community the attainment of the “age of responsibility.” It is
for this reason that during the service the youth reads or chants
from the Torah (Jewish bible), the source of all
commandments. Joshua and Hannah both read portions from the Torah and
a little later expressed their interpretation and gave their messages
– Joshua was about choices and responsibilities; Hannah was on
motivations. They definitely gave mature and scholastic personal
reflections.
The
worship service included Liturgical music, family blessings, Torah
Service (like Bible reading), personal reflections and benediction.
Joshua
and Hannah are the children of Scott and Ruth Pagsibigan Perlman.
Ruth is my husband’s niece. The two with another sister, Eileen,
are actually triplet. Eileen was present, but did not join the
ceremony. Ruth’s sisters Carmen Castaneda from New Jersey,
Josephine Masanque (WB) from Ashburn and Dave Pagsibigan from Burke
with wife, Francine, were present.
Email:
pagsibiganr@aol.com
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